The Other Woman: A New Cottage Industry?

By Tony Hicks, The Contra Cost Times
03/26/10

It was one of those moments that, at the time, just seemed like another actress throwing around an opinion. Only it was Sandra Bullock offering advice to Tiger Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, about how to handle a cheating husband.

"If I were Elin (Nordegren) ... man, I would have hit a lot more than she did," Bullock said, referring to unverified reports that Nordegren attacked her husband with a golf club. "I would have kept hitting."

Bullock made the comment as she walked the red carpet at the People's Choice Awards in Los Angeles Jan. 6.

"You would still be swinging the golf club?" asked Niecy Nash of "The Insiders.'

"Yeah, (Elin) stopped," Bullock responded. "She was respectable. I'd get the baseball bat, I'd get everything out."

Since then, four women have come forward claiming affairs with Bullock's husband, Jesse James. And the only thing that looks bruised on him is his reputation.

As for the other women involved — they don't seem to mind. None had public reputations until they slept with a celebrity. Now they have their own degree of celebrity and are milking it for all its worth.

Cashing in

It's a new and puzzling career path. The other woman, selling her story to the tabloids for thousands of dollars, or parlaying the instant, Web-fueled notoriety into a singing or acting career.

A few decades ago, celebrity affairs were covered up to avoid embarrassment. Few people would admit to being the shameful homewrecker, much less try to profit from it.

But times have changed, with a worldwide media that moves fast, loves gory details and is willing to pay for them. So within days of going public with her affair with Bullock's husband and West Coast Choppers CEO James, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee — whose age ranges from 24 to 32, depending on the source — admitted to making $30,000 from a tell-all interview with In Touch Weekly. She also admitted hoping coming forward would make her a "mainstream celebrity."

Bingo. Well, at least for a while.

The tattooed ex-stripper and mother of two was all over television and the Internet this month. Just like many of Woods' alleged mistresses the previous few months. Just like Rielle Hunter, the mother of former vice-presidential candidate John Edwards' love child who earlier this month gave a lengthy interview to GQ, complete with racy photos.

Multi-tasking

In the growing "getting-famous-for-sleeping-with-the-famous" ranks, they join Ashley Dupre, the prostitute whose relations with then New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer caused him to resign in 2008. She became famous enough to try her hand at a music career (reports had her making as much as $1.4 million on downloads of one of her songs after the scandal broke). She also became a sex columnist for the New York Post and will appear in an eight-page spread in Playboy in May.

All have at least one thing in common: Very few people knew their names until they had affairs with famous men.

And it only seems to be women — at least among those getting famous from the affairs. Not that celebrity women don't have affairs, but they seem to choose other famous men or we just don't hear about their partners-in-adultery.

With the advent of the Internet, we've gone from a few famous '80s and '90s mistresses who didn't initially seek fame — Jessica Hahn, Donna Rice, Amy Fisher and Paula Jones — to a torrent of women the past couple years turning affairs into celebrity. (The same period also produced Gennifer Flowers, who came forward about her affair with President Clinton and ended up selling her story for $500,000 and posing for Penthouse.)

"The guilt and shame associated with cheating has diminished because of people airing their dirty laundry on talk shows, and because of the 15 minutes of fame that has become associated with this," says media psychiatrist Dr. Carole Lieberman, author of "Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them and When to Leave Them." "The mistresses take pride in showing the world that they were able to get a powerful man to submit to them. Our society has become obsessed with fame, and people feel validated only if the world watches them."

All the blame doesn't necessarily lie with the women. Media image consultant Michael Sands says the egos of the men involved make them feel invincible, despite the constant presence of paparazzi documenting their every move.

"The guys hang out in bars and really fancy themselves as God's gift to lonely women," says Sands, who appeared on E! News last week discussing the Bullock/James story. "They're bulletproof. They let their defenses down and forget everything they read (about other celebrities getting caught)."

'Buyer-beware'

Sands says the men can't separate their private life from their show business persona.

"They use it to be a big gun," he says. "And it's buyer-beware. These guys are asking for trouble."

When the stories go public, most of the women are ready, with sexy pictures, a Web site and contact information. They get agents. One of Woods' alleged girlfriends, Joselyn James, has started a Web site devoted to exposing Woods' explicit text messages to her.

Others have hired lawyers and threatened lawsuits. McGee is on the cover of this month's Tattoo Revue magazine. Playboy model Loredana Jolie says she'll write a tell-all book about her alleged affair with Woods. Rachel Uchitel, the New York City club hostess first linked to Woods in November, landed a job as a correspondent for TVs "Extra." Jamie Jungers parlayed her new fame into jobs pitching vodka and an auction Web site, and has appeared on the "Today" show and "Dateline."

Jungers also won $75,000 in a Tiger Woods' Mistress Pageant, hosted by Howard Stern. Upon winning, she cried and thanked God. Second-place finisher Jamie Grubbs won $15,000 and stormed off the set.

Tattered reputations

The men sometimes recover from the bad publicity (though Woods has lost millions in endorsements, Edwards' and Spitzer's careers seem unsalvageable, and James is currently the scourge of Hollywood), the women usually end up on the D list or as trivia questions. They write books and columns, do magazine photo shoots, and whatever else they can to hold on to their scrap of fame.

McGee, who told Radar Online.com she started the affair with James for money, has signed up to referee a May 7 celebrity boxing match between porn star Gina Lynn and Hailey Glassman, the woman who became famous last year for dating Jon Gosselin, of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" fame, while his marriage was crumbling.

The quick money angle apparently works for some, but chances are their fame won't last.

"You can't help but notice that most of these women had no major accomplishments of their own," says Michal Ann Strahilevitz, an associate professor of marketing at Golden Gate University in San Francisco. "It seems like easy money and it sends a sad message to young women when we give random mistresses so much attention. Sadly, I don't see the trend going away anytime soon."

Week 10

She is neither pink nor pale,
And she never will be all mine;
She learned her hands in a fairy-tale,
And her mouth on a valentine.

She has more hair than she needs;
In the sun ’tis a woe to me!
And her voice is a string of colored beads,
Or steps leading into the sea.

She loves me all that she can,
And her ways to my ways resign;
But she was not made for any man,
And she never will be all mine.

—Edna St. Vincent Millay, "Witch-Wife"

Week 10

M 3.29
NO CLASS: Spring Break

W 3.31
NO CLASS: Spring Break

Week 11
M 4.5 READ: CR—“Women at Arms: Living and Fighting Alongside Men, and Fitting In” by Steven Lee Meyers, “Testimony of a True Female Sports Fan” by Emily Diekelmann; eR—“A Feminist Love For Football” from Weekend Edition Sunday
IN-CLASS: Reading discussion; Presentations; Preview—Process essay
DUE: Literature Analysis/Short Answer Responses

W 4.7 READ: CR—“The Girly Girls” by Jessi Miley-Dyer, “MMA is No Breakthrough for Women” by David Whitley, “More Men Take Traditionally Female Jobs” by Lenny Bourin and Bill Blakemore, “Johnny Weir is a Real Man” by Jim Caple, “Meet America's First Legal Male Prostitute” by Ian Daly, “Parents Dialing 'Manny 911' for Help” by Mike Adamick
IN-CLASS: Expository essay

Assignment: Literary Analysis/Short Answer Responses

Answer the following questions in short answer responses:

1. Which story takes the most hopeful view of how men and women communicate?
2. Which two stories best illustrate the differences in the ways men and women communicate?
3. How do the male protagonists of “Brokeback Mountain” communicate differently than the female protagonists of “A Jury of Her Peers”?
4. Which story takes the most pessimistic view of how men and women communicate?

Use specific examples from the stories to support your thesis.

The best responses:

• Will be no more than one paragraph in length
  
• Open with a concise thesis
  
• Clearly support their thesis with solid evidence from the texts
  
• Conclude with a very brief summation of the argument
• Properly cite evidence using MLA's parenthetical citation method
  
• Are in compliance with MLA Style

Due: Wednesday, April 7

Men Leave Their Own Mark on Veganism

Kathleen Pierce, The Boston Globe
Mar 23, 2010

SOMERVILLE — For most of his life Joe McCain subsisted on pepperoni and sausage pizza, steak bomb subs, and anything “fried, fried, or fried.’’ In other words, says the Somerville police detective with a shaved head, snowy beard, and tattoos cascading up his arms, chest, and neck, “I ate like an American.’’

When McCain reached his mid-40s the party ended. Topping the scales at 257 pounds and bulging out of his clothes, the stout father of three was fat, unhappy, and “terribly uncomfortable.’’ On the advice of his childhood friend Brian Rothwell, a yoga instructor and lifelong vegan, McCain cut meat, dairy, eggs, chicken, and fish from his diet and added power vinyasa yoga, which helped him shed 60 pounds in eight months. “I feel like a million bucks. And if anything, I don’t look like a slob anymore,’’ says McCain.

Three years later, sipping a yerba mate latte at the Sherman Cafe in Union Square, the buff and bright-eyed McCain is the new face of veganism: men in their 40s and 50s embracing a restrictive lifestyle to look better, rectify a gluttonous past, or cheat death. They are hegans. They are healthy. And they are here to stay. While no one was looking, guys were stepping up to the wheatgrass bar. Famous hegans include “Spider-Man’’ Tobey Maguire and singer Thom Yorke of Radiohead. Atlanta Falcons tight end Tony Gonzalez was vegan for a few years but now eats seafood and chicken on occasion.

Perhaps the ultimate hegan is Rip Esselstyn, a veteran firefighter and triathlete in Austin, Texas. He helped the men in his department lower their cholesterol in 28 days by shunning animal protein and then turned his efforts into the best-selling “The Engine 2 Diet’’ (Wellness Central). Though not billed as a vegan diet per se, Esselstyn’s “plant-strong’’ lifestyle helps lower cholesterol by going meat-, egg-, and dairy-free, he says. “Sure there is a stigma attached to it, that it’s for yuppie, tree-hugging, emaciated weaklings,’’ he says. “That is far from the truth. I like to say that real men eat plants.’’

Eric Faulkner, a professional in high tech, is baking a batch of vegan cookies in his Lowell loft. He minces few words to explain why he became a vegan. “I’m scared to death of cancer,’’ says the lanky 42-year-old. After reading “The China Study’’ (Benbella Books), which purports that animal protein can accelerate the growth of cancer, diabetes, and heart disease, Faulkner ate his last cheeseburger.

For the past eight months meals in his household have been healthy remakes of meaty standbys. “I make a great avocado Reuben sandwich, a faux meat loaf, roasted butternut squash soup, and lots of pasta,’’ says Faulkner, whose wife and 8-year-old daughter have also converted.

To stay competitive during rugby games, athlete and writer Jay Atkinson of Methuen substituted soy cheese for the real deal last summer and cut out turkey sandwiches. “I needed to extend my career by staying lean,’’ says Atkinson, 52. He was already eating well before he turned to veganism. Commuting to Boston to teach magazine writing at Boston University or slapping on skates to whiz across a frozen pond, he needs as much fuel as he can get. The vegan diet delivers.

“During the week I’m hustling. This is the perfect diet. I couldn’t bring a ham with me,’’ says Atkinson, who tosses protein bars, fruit, and water into a pack before heading out for the day. Like most hegans, Atkinson, a single father, taught himself to cook. Spicy black bean chipotle stew and potato and asparagus soup with fresh dill are two of his specialties. He feels nutritionally satisfied as a vegan, but admits there are some drawbacks. “The big thing is learning to cook for variety. I’d like to be able to make 30 to 40 meals instead of 10,’’ he said.

There are no hard numbers on how many hegans exists. By nature most men don’t make their eating habits public. “I’ve never been called one,’’ said Bob Bouley, owner of the new vegan restaurant, The Pulse Cafe, in Davis Square (see Cheap Eats review, Page 3). “Being a vegan is not something I flaunt, it’s just something I believe in.’’

Of the diners who flock to his warm, Caribbean-toned cafe for smoked tofu and portobello maki, a majority are women, Bouley says. “Judging from our Facebook page, 65 to 70 percent of our fans are women between the ages of 18 and 35.’’

In Newton, the raw vegan restaurant Prana Cafe is poised to become hegan headquarters. On a rainy evening last month, Fred Bisci, 80, the well-known lifestyle nutritionist from Staten Island, N.Y., dined on bountiful greens in the candy-colored cafe that serves smoothies, salads, and vegan wine next to a yoga studio. In town for a speaking engagement, the limber and chiseled hegan of 40 years, is a walking tribute to eating lean. “A lot of people think it’s radical. It definitely prolongs your life. No question about it,’’ says Bisci.

Taylor Wells, who owns the cafe and yoga enterprise with her hegan husband, Philippe, estimates that 10 to 15 percent of their customers are hegans. “We get men who come in who want to cleanse and feel good. We like to ease them into it. I think the word vegan gets a bad rap, it sounds very militant and angry,’’ says Wells.

But hegan could catch on. “It makes sense that it would become a new fad. We are seeing more men in our yoga classes and they come directly into the cafe,’’ she says.

Despite the proliferation of vegan products on the market and restaurants that cater to this growing vegetarian subset, hegan living is not always harmonious. There are times, especially in the summer, when McCain will catch a whiff of a neighbor’s barbecue and his inner carnivore will start to roar. But the temptation doesn’t take over. “When you start to feel the way I do and see the results from eating right and working out, it’s hard to think about changing,’’ he says.

One thing he would like to change is the misconception that being a vegan means being on a diet. “The thing I hear all the time is: ‘Are you still on that diet?’ It’s the farthest thing from a diet. I don’t feel limited at all. If anything, what I eat has expanded not contracted,’’ he says. “I will never diet ever again.’’

Stay-at-Home Dads Grapple with Going Back to Work

By Yuki Noguchi, NPR News
03.24.10

Kevin Folk's new job requires a lot of multitasking, effective time management, a calm demeanor and excellent diaper-bag packing skills.

Folk was laid off from the National Association of Home Builders last summer, shortly after the birth of his twin boy and girl. Instead of entrusting the babies to a babysitter while he looked for work, he decided to stay home — at least temporarily.

"It's so rewarding," he says. But Folk is starting to think about getting a job this summer. "I just had a phone interview last week, which is hard to do with kids," he says.

A Growing Number Of At-Home Dads

Even before the recession began, the number of stay-at-home dads was on the rise. According to the Census, in 2006 there were 159,000 fathers with working spouses who stayed at home to care for their families, up from 105,000 in 2002.

But that's only part of the picture, says Aaron Rochlen, an associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin. Rochlen, who studies gender roles and psychology, says many dads with working wives try to work part time or consider themselves "consultants." But many are, in fact, the primary caregivers to their children.

By that expanded definition, he says, there are about 2 million at-home dads. That number has also likely risen during the recession because about 70 percent of the lost jobs affected men.

Re-Entering the Workforce

At a play group for stay-at-home dads and their children in Arlington, Va., there are several fathers who found themselves sidelined from the workforce during the recession.

On one side of the room, Michael J. Madsen shows off baby photographs. Madsen just sent his notice giving up his part-time gig teaching commercial photography. When he re-enters the workforce, he says, he'll do so as a baby photographer.

Although Madsen is happy for now staying at home with his son, other dads in the play group say they've considered what it might be like to start working again after their hiatus from the office.

When Dave Cavey, his wife and their two daughters moved back from Abu Dhabi last summer, Cavey could not find a job. After a couple of months of paying more than $2,000 in child care while he engaged in a "fruitless" attempt to find a job, Cavey decided to pull the kids out of day care and stay home.

"I definitely don't miss looking for a job," he says. But he is concerned about letting his skills atrophy or putting a big gap between jobs on his resume. So he's running for a position on the board of his condo association, and he is volunteering for the National Park Service and the City of Alexandria, Va. "I'm trying to do things to pad my resume," he says.

Rami Cohen's architecture firm lost lots of business, so it furloughed employees to two days a week — then, temporarily, to no days a week. That left Cohen available to care for his 2-year-old daughter, Aviva, while his wife worked.

Cohen says he enjoys taking care of Aviva full time. When work picks up again, when the economy improves, he says he doesn't know how he'll feel about working full time, though he might not mind discussing things other than Sesame Street and snacks.

"There's something to be said about having a little bit of a breather," he says, referring to time spent in the office.

Bleckley, Georgia School Officials Allowing Gay Prom Date (UPDATED 03.24.10)

By Julie Hubbard, The Macon Telegraph
March 23, 2010

COCHRAN — Derrick Martin still worries that he could be responsible for getting this year’s prom at Bleckley County High School canceled.

That’s because the 18-year-old senior is gay, and he plans to take his boyfriend to the year’s most anticipated dance. That’s something that’s never happened in this small Middle Georgia town.

A similar plan by two female students in Mississippi earlier this month prompted school officials there to cancel the dance, making national news.

After asking Bleckley County school officials permission in January to take another boy to the prom, Martin got word last week that his high school will allow it. Bleckley’s prom is April 17 in the high school cafeteria.

“I didn’t expect them to say yes. It’s who I am. I have the same rights,” he said. “It’s my senior prom and I wanted to be able to prove not everyone would cancel prom.”

Martin is an honor student who tutors at-risk elementary and middle school students after school. He also has a full scholarship to college. He said he knew the move would be controversial for the town of about 5,200 residents.

At his high school, prom dates from outside counties must be approved in advance, so Martin went to his principal and asked.

“At first she said no, Cochran wasn’t ready for it,” he said.

But then last week, school officials said they have no policy in place against it.

“You don’t have the right to say no,” principal Michelle Masters said. “As a principal, I don’t judge him. I’m taught not to judge. I have to push my own beliefs to the background.”

She’s just hoping it won’t become an issue in the community and distract from juniors and seniors who’ve looked forward to the event for a long time.

As fellow senior Errin Lucas put it, “Have you seen Cochran? There is nothing else to live for.”

Charlotte Pipkin, the superintendent of schools, said the school board didn’t take any votes on Martin’s request, but the board did discuss it during a board meeting.

“Students are allowed to bring their date to prom,” Pipkin said. “There’s nothing that says who the date is.

“I want this to be an enjoyable event, and I don’t want anything to take away from that,” she added.

Martin came out as gay during his sophomore year in high school, but even now he said not all his classmates are tolerant.

He worries about the attention that the prom “walk through,” in which the school announces each senior’s name and the date’s name, will draw attention to him and his date.

“I’ll take out insurance on my tux,” he said, half-jokingly.

It’s a big step for the high school, Lucas said.

“With our town being so small and country, it’s a very big thing,” she said. “It’s unexpected, but I’m glad. We have to move forward.”

The Cochran community said it’s surprising.

“I think a lot of people will stare,” said Miranda Taylor, an employee at a Wendy’s restaurant.

Security will be on hand at the dance, school officials said.

Even if there is backlash, both educators said they won’t cancel or change their plans for prom. It would not be fair to the students, Pipkin said.

Martin said he could have settled for what he did last prom and just go with a friend, a female, but he didn’t want to do that this year.

“It’s standing up for the rights thing, especially after the Mississippi canceled prom,” he said. “It’s senior prom. It’s pretty big.”

UPDATE:

"Gay-rights Backers Reach Out to Bleckley Senior"
By Julie Hubbard, The Macon Telegraph
March 24, 2010

Gay-rights supporters from across the country are offering to buy everything from boutonnieres to dinner for a Bleckley County High School senior who was granted permission to take his boyfriend to the prom.

At least two supporters have offered to rent a stretch limo for Derrick Martin and his boyfriend.

Martin asked his principal this year if he could take another male to his senior prom, set for April 17.

At first school officials told the 18-year-old that the town of Cochran, with a population of 5,200, wasn’t ready for it.

The high school only had a policy that barred bringing a date older than the age of 21, so school officials subsequently told Martin they granted his request.

Many gay-rights activists are now posting the story on their Facebook pages. And an Atlanta filmmaker said he hopes to document the story.

“I sent flowers to his high school,” said Randi Reitan, a resident of Eden Prairie, Minn., who sent a bouquet of yellow flowers with a rainbow-colored balloon to Bleckley County High on Tuesday to show her support.

“We have a gay son. I wish he could’ve danced with a young man at his prom,” Reitan said.

She also has offered to buy Martin and his date, who is from Tift County, boutonnieres to wear on prom night.

Drew Dowdell from Pittsburgh is setting up a link on his Web site for people to leave donations for Martin to help buy the 18-year-old a limo ride to the prom.

“I want to help Derrick have the best prom he can because I worry that anti-gay people in his school will be doing their best to ruin it for him,” Dowdell said. “I’m proud that he was willing to go to the school to make an issue about it.”

Martin said he got 54 messages Tuesday on Facebook.

“I appreciate it,” he said. “I was speechless that they said they would buy me dinner or buy me a tux in case someone messed mine up.”

But because of the media attention, Martin’s parents have kicked him out and the teen is staying with a friend, he said.

Martin said he pushed to take his boyfriend to the dance after hearing about a girl in Mississippi who asked to take her girlfriend to the prom.

Her school eventually canceled the dance rather than allow them to attend together.

“Maybe (other gay students) will think if Bleckley County will let them, maybe my school will,” Martin said.

School Superintendent Charlotte Pipkin said the move is a first for Bleckley County.

“I’m not aware of it having happened in the past,” she said.

School officials have said they have no plans to cancel or change plans for the prom.

Week 9

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

—Zsa Zsa Gabor

Week 9
M 3.22

READ: CR—“What We Talk About When We Talk About Love” by Raymond Carver, “Brokeback Mountain” by Annie Proulx; GL, p. 217-264
IN-CLASS: Preview—Expository Essay
Due: Persuasive essay (Final draft with first draft attached)

W 3.24
READ: GL, p. 265-290
IN-CLASS: Literature Analysis/Short Answer Responses
DUE: Journal 4

UPCOMING:

Week 10

M 3.29
NO CLASS: Spring Break

W 3.31
NO CLASS: Spring Break

Week 11
M 4.5 READ: CR—“Women at Arms: Living and Fighting Alongside Men, and Fitting In” by Steven Lee Meyers, “Testimony of a True Female Sports Fan” by Emily Diekelmann; eR—“A Feminist Love For Football” from Weekend Edition Sunday
IN-CLASS: Reading discussion; Presentations; Preview—Process essay

W 4.7 READ: CR—“The Girly Girls” by Jessi Miley-Dyer, “MMA is No Breakthrough for Women” by David Whitley, “More Men Take Traditionally Female Jobs” by Lenny Bourin and Bill Blakemore, “Johnny Weir is a Real Man” by Jim Caple, “Meet America's First Legal Male Prostitute” by Ian Daly, “Parents Dialing 'Manny 911' for Help” by Mike Adamick
IN-CLASS: Expository essay